To get what you really want, you must say “No” to what you don’t want. Simple, but not easy.
I’ve settled for less than what I really wanted many times in my life. Each time my awareness of just how much of myself I gave up to accept that “OK” job or enter that “OK” relationship that was less than I really wanted came much later, when it was too late to do much about it.
In hindsight, it’s clear what I could have done differently. I could have prayed and invited God into my decision-making process. I could have let the Holy Spirit guide me. But, I had lessons I needed to learn, a journey I was destined to take that led me to find the life that I love.
What did I learn from making all those choices that seemed right at the time? Here are a few things:
- Every choice has long-term consequences that are predictable if you’re paying attention
- If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is
- The Holy Spirit tells you when to move and when not to move...listen!
- My choices and results are a direct reflection of my self-worth and self-care
- When I DEFEND against what others say about me, they’re ALWAYS right
- Life doesn’t work the way you want, need or expect it to but it works
Is it possible to catch yourself settling before it’s too late?
Absolutely! Begin by replacing self-sabotaging thoughts with daily affirmations.
- I don’t want to be alone – God is always with me! Hebrews 13:5
- I REALLY want a relationship – My relationship with God is all I need! Matthew 6:33
- I’m tired of looking, I might as well choose this one – I will not grow weary! Matthew 11:28
- I won’t find anything/anyone better – I will not settle! Jeremiah 17:10
- I’d rather have this now than risk nothing later – It’s worth the risk! Matthew 25:21
- I don’t deserve true happiness – God loves me for who I am! Romans 5:8
Examining these statements now it’s easy to see they’re all FALSE. Looking back, I knew I was telling myself these things, but my awareness was dim enough, and my self-esteem low enough that I allowed them to dictate my choices.
What am I doing different? Simple. Spending time with God. This makes it much easier to require 100% and not settle for less. This hit home for me when I broke off the engagement of an 80% relationship. It’s like the weight of the world slid off my shoulders.
Fiercely believe “I deserve to love and be loved.”
And, fiercely believe “I’d rather be single than settle!”